no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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