yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
