go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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