my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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