Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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