they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
