I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
