Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
