My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
