Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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