walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
