yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
