During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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