take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
