We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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