well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
