Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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