If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
