I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
