i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
