Need sex. Gaining weight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
