I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
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at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.