Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The Olympian is in my bed