Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
