hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it