My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.