I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.