i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.