I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
