You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
