Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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