True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
