I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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