Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.

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(216): View more from Ohio

My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.

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(541): View more from Oregon

woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.

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27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Read it at the TFLN blog
(510): View more from California

Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.

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(713): View more from Texas

I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..

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