it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..