Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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