You really coming over, don't trick.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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