I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like