oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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