what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
