the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
