Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
