I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
