filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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