so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
