I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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