I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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