Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
a search helicopter?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
