Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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