Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
