Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
