Don't you send me to vm
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
