My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
