wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
whose parrot is this?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
