And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
