I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
why is half of my head shaved?
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