he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
