mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
