Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
