I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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