You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
