don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
