Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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