too bad you live with your parents still
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
