Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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