dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
