we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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