The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
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