do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
