Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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