she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
