so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
