she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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