the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize