They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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