Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
